i have grown

Today was the Ordination of the 5 additional important people in the state. The over flow of feeling of joy and excitement was mesmerizing. Reconnected with important people in my life I haven’t seen in awhile.

Smiles. Laughter. Snapshots. Talk. I was in awe seeing these people again and I could never compare this feeling to anything. Yao was there, though he’s kinda hesitant to approach me but he sooner did, missed that Yao Ming haha. Father Arnel hugged me tight, and all the priest was staring but he couldn’t care less I’m one of his little angel and for the record I am his fake niece people hahaha. Well my pancit was there where he should be. Thank God I finally saw brother Jess oh how I love that guy. I adore him so much. Brother Jojo who wouldn’t miss him. Reverend Jovanni the prim and proper, he’s adorable. Father Kenneth who remarked “Oo nagkita na kami, nagkita kami sa mata” and stared at me devilishly, got screwed up I did not do it on purpose I just can’t approach him when he was there marching down the aisle. I know, my bad I should have waved or something hahaha I slapped his belly though and he laughed so that means we burried the hatchet. Father Reily now a priest and so is Father James that I am extremely proud of. Puts a great big smile on my face. Father Rex who just adores getting his picture taken with us, how sweet. Father Ralph, newly ordained so to speak, the one I call Jesus cause he played the role of Jesus before came up to me and apologized he couldn’t share much of his time such an adorable, fine lad and asked to give my regards to the family especially to mom and dad. People are looking for them everywhere and so is my sister and A. Next time fam be all present, got it?.

My biggest enemy of all *drum roll please* badum tssss… Brother Ken who so to speak hid from me and stared at me until finally he recognizes me. He thought I was someone else  or I was maybe my big sister he couldn’t decipher. I had grown into a young lady. I haven’t noticed it until he said so, I guess my face is really maturing now and he said I was blooming and I was not that kid he used to know. I just look so different and so mature to him. It was ,so to speak, flattering and he had a great way of putting the words together that fine hot young man himself.

Another surprise awaited me when pancit wanted to treat me out, and of course with my additional baggage my brother Ivan who we kept on ditching but I know we can’t lol and he then decided to ditch his appointment for 4 hours just to stay at home and hang out with our family, no Baguio trip but such a great way to end a lovely day

He never lets me down

God sews everything seamlessly. He never lets me down, he just know everything. He plans things for me and I just follow my gut feel and it just happens right then and there. He creates miracles well maybe not for my grades but for that other aspect of my life which I really need to be guided. He never lets me down, I may have brought him dozens of disappointments but whenever I seek Him he is always there to guide me every single day. I always ask for guidance, courage, strength, wisdom and knowledge but he always gave it to me in the hardest way possible but I did face some of those trials and I survived and I hope I’ll still be able to. In Jesus Name. Life truly is something wonderful, its like a game you may lose a lot but you always win some. Life is unfair and I should deal with it. 

fear

I was asked what is my biggest fear. I couldn’t answer, truthfully I really have no idea. Then the question started to get me, and I started to question myself. What do I fear?

I was curious, what does fear really mean. The dictionary said its is a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined. I don’t fear about snakes, cockroaches and stuffs that a normal person would fear. I don’t fear death, I don’t really fear about ghosts, I can even watch a scary movie without blinking. The thing that fears me most is life and its reality. I fear living in this world every single day that I’ll still wake up from my sleep. I fear of life itself. I fear pain, emotional pain.

Then I had a deep thought, having those fears what does scares me the most?. After days (can’t remember when exactly) of trying to find the answer, something happened. I was pissed off and I don’t want to really want to talk to anyone double D texted asking where was I, told him where I was and Sb was there and I was playing to get the tension off of me but still it didn’t. He was saying something and I know he was right but I don’t need anyone to shove it to my face I have a lot of people lining up doing the same thing everyday. When Sb said his goodbye, I stood up bid double D goodbye and I just walked without even waiting for him. Then there it started. NO texts, NO hi’s or hello’s. It’s like we were strangers. My cousin was right I am prideful person till now I don’t text him. The old me is back, the “don’t talk to him if he don’t wanna talk to you” me. I consider him my best friend but still I salute to my pride, i hate myself. I miss him though. First my kambal, now him but I learned something, the reason why I don’t want a boyfriend or a close friend.

My biggest fear is something inevitable. I fear that one day people will leave me or I’ll end up leaving them.

Yakimix saturdays

Yesterday we are suppose to go to Zarks but as usual things turned out differently. Patrick was waiting outside my room. As we were going down the stairs with Sb, Vince texted that nobody whould show up because they all backed out and he’s already at the resto. Then Aian texted, telling me about what happened. He called him and he said we should go so to MOA I only got 900 bucks in my pocket but I don’t wanna splurge that much, told him I don’t have enough money and he said I should not worry about that so I said okay. We waited for Jeffrey and Eddie to fetch us at SM Manila. Pat and Sb didn’t go, though I felt bad for leaving Pat but whatever he said it’s okay and we have plenty of time.

After an hour we finally arrived, while lining up to park we were greeted by fireworks. It was the perfect view and it went on for about 5 minutes. After getting a parking spot we joined Vince and Anthony at the table and the feast began. Bloated and all they played with Vince telling the waiters it was his birthday. When he went back to the table he was greeted with a song and a cake. He was mortified cause it wasn’t his birthday and who wouldn’t right?. But it was a great and fine night. All’s well that ends well. Hope the bitches were all there.